Joke of The Day....

[2boysandtoys]

When Hallmark Writers Have a Bad Day

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Heard your wife left you;
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years
That we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
What was I thinking??!!

Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Too bad no one likes your spouse.)

How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby???

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
that you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion!
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Someday I hope to get married...
But not to you.

Happy Birthday!
You look great for your age...
Almost lifelike!

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

I knew the day would come when you would
leave me for my best friend.
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

We have been friends for a very long time...
What do ya say we call it quits?

I'm so miserable without you.
It's almost like you're here.

You are such a good friend that if we were
on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia, and Mississippi)
 

[copperpenny22]

Love those Hallmark cards, Erin!


World Champion Submarine Races


WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT????

copperpenny22
 

[copperpenny22]

My Irish Joke:

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have
lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost near-
ly 60lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instruct-
ions?'

The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, I t'aut I were going to
drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from all the bloomin’ skippin'!

copperpenny22
 

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[The Pet Guy]

This sounds like a good diet seems to have worked. Maybe I will try it if my back holds up from all the skiping. I do not understand why Is this a joke?

[The Tavern Wench]

 

[copperpenny22]

HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE

1. Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it 'Housework.'

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

5. Your PC will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework
 permanently?'

6. Calmly answer, 'Yes' and press mouse button firmly ..

7. Feel better?


Works for me!

copperpenny22

[copperpenny22]

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." 

"It's the act of doing things for other people."

 Then I heard these terms which reference the word  SERVICE :

 Internal Revenue  Service   
Postal  Service    
Telephone  Service   
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer  Service   
Service  Stations

Then I became confused about the word " service ."   This is not what I thought "service" meant.

 So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service "
a few of his cows.   BAM!  It all came into perspective.   Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

 
  I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

[The Bar Keep]

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." 

"It's the act of doing things for other people."

 Then I heard these terms which reference the word  SERVICE :

 Internal Revenue  Service   
Postal  Service    
Telephone  Service   
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer  Service   
Service  Stations

Then I became confused about the word " service ."   This is not what I thought "service" meant.

 So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service "
a few of his cows.   BAM!  It all came into perspective.   Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

 
  I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

I do now understand but am now finding a whole new meaning for terms like "total Service and "fully serviced". Also brings a whole new meaning to "self service and completely serviced". 

[2boysandtoys]

 

[farvelcargo]

A guy walks into a bar wearing a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks him over, thinks for a moment, and decides, “Okay, you can stay … but don’t start anything.”

 

[The Pet Guy]

A guy walks into a bar wearing a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks him over, thinks for a moment, and decides, “Okay, you can stay … but don’t start anything.”

 

Now that is funny right there I don't care who you are thats funny.