Platzki's Poems!!

[Platzki]

Yes I really wrote all of these... be kind... 

A VALENTINE FOR ME

Little pink candies
And big red hearts
In one whole aisle
Of my local Save-A-Mart.

I walked down the aisle
with awe on my face,
At the chocolately goodness
Tied with ribbons and lace.

I tried to walk quickly
With all of my might…
Who the heck knew,
This would be such a fight.

But slowly my willpower
Came to an end
And I picked out a Valentine
I wanted to send.

Then I picked up some more
Then some more, then some more.
And now I am covered
in wrappers galore.

All those pretty red ribbons
Are crumpled with crud
And my face looks like I have been
Pushed in the mud.

I lay in the aisle
Of my local Save-A-Mart
And nothing but wrappers are
Filling my cart.

Baffled Employees and
Shoppers alike…
Stare at my predicament
In terror and fright.

And as they approached me
Fearful but quiet…
I heard one woman whisper…
“She must be on a diet.”

[Platzki]

Ode to the 80's

Eighty’s music is so “True”
I tap my toes to “Rock With You”
I can remember “Off the Wall”
Before Michael Jackson’s nose fell off.

I used to love a song named “Thriller”
About a crazy “Psycho Killer”
And jam to “You Dropped a Bomb on Me”
And used to sit back and “Pass the Dutchie”

In 98, had my “White Wedding”
And danced to tunes by Otis Redding,
And now after seven years, me thinks
That J. Geils was right when he said “Love Stinks”

[Platzki]

Bad Diet!  Bad!

Losing weight is really great
I love my brand new bod...
But even goods things have their moments,
So... Let’s give them a nod...

Writing in that little black book
makes me think of eating.
The other day I wondered if
eating the book was cheating...

I used to have nice boobies
The men would stare in shock...
But now they’re by my ankles
And I have to buy bigger socks...

Walking on the treadmill
I get so hot and damp....
I reminds me of those awful times
away at Summer Camp.

Eating healthy makes you poop
So bad... I’m afraid to flush
without breaking it in several pieces
with my toilet brush!

To sum it up and all that stuff,
let’s make a little list...
I will be vague but after all
I think you’ll get the gist.

pillows are droopin’
Can’t stop poopin’
Writing down my meals
Walking on the treadmill
HEY! This wasn’t in the deal!

I just wanted to lose some weight,
not droop and poop and sweat...
But if that’s what it takes to get to goal
I’ll do it... you can bet!

[Platzki]

Wagglepop, Wagglepop
silly old name
When will the poppers
realize that it’s lame?

They say “This place is Awesome!”
They say “Come and see!”
They say ”We’re just part of
a huge Family!”

At Wagglepop, shelves are filled with
sports cards and books,
and kid clothes and jewelry
but no buyers to look...

They get no sales of jewelry
that’s made of lovely Copper...
It takes a special kind of stupid
to be a Waggle-popper!

Well, I won’t buy anything...
They’d have to pray to the pope
Unless of course...
I got a free bar of soap.




Once there was a guy named Ray,
Who sold his crap on the famous eBay
He thought he was perfect so he started a site
and molests all the sellers with lies and spite.

He set up this website to act as a clone...
of the famous eBay but he didn’t act alone!
Karen’s his helper with loyalty to no end
But I think she really just his imaginary friend.

The sellers believe him no matter his claims
I bet he can’t remember even one of their names!
And now all the poppers, they bend on one knee
to all that Ray says, MAN!  How can that be?


He claims that he’s trustworthy, honest and real
but I think I must disagree and file an appeal
For Ray is a thief and a cheat and a liar,
if he’s telling the truth, where the hell are the Buyers??


How can all these sellers be under his spell?
They’re drinking his Koolaid, know how I can tell?
They won’t listen to reason even though it is clear,
They should quit with the Koolaid and switch over to Beer!

[Platzki]

I wrote this when I was on a major diet!

The “Box”

Oh my God!
It’s weigh day!
Where could the time have gone?
It seems that just last week
I was throwing my scale
out on the lawn!!!!

My husband has since retrieved it,
in his bathrobe and his socks....
He thinks I’m going crazy over
a stupid little box.

I slink into the bathroom,
I tell myself “think thin”
as I step onto the horrid
box to see what shape I’m in...

I only had one donut,
only half a macaroon!!
That couldn’t wreck
my whole darn week...
But Wait!  I spoke too soon!

I look down at that scale o’mine
then throw a fit and scream!!
It’s must time to quit this diet...
I’m running out of steam!

I can’t stand myself, I cry and fret!
I look like a big, fat whale...
Then I hear a chuckle behind my back,
as hubby takes his foot off of the scale.

I look back at the number,
now I feel like a stupid goon.
Hey! I lost two pounds!
Now where’s the other half
of that yummy macaroon?

[chiquita]

Platz,
You rule my friend
 

[Platzki]

Here's my first attempt at a Weird Al Yankovic-ism...

Poopin On The Pot by J. Lo

Don’t be fooled by the poop that I plopped
I’m still, I’m still sittin on the pot…
Used to poop a little now I poop a lot…
No matter where it goes I know where it came from…
MY BUTT!

[Platzki]

Platz,
You rule my friend
 

Ya know for a clown fish, you're really not that funny!

[myobeeswax]

Ummmm.....Platz....I have four glasses of the boxed wine and I'm still not getting any of these poems....I'll try reading them again in the A.M. I am a girl of the 80's era but I was more of a Pat Benatar chick... Perhaps I'll lay some of mine on ya!

[Platzki]

Ummmm.....Platz....I have four glasses of the boxed wine and I'm still not getting any of these poems....I'll try reading them again in the A.M. I am a girl of the 80's era but I was more of a Pat Benatar chick... Perhaps I'll lay some of mine on ya!

That's the problem... you need 6 glasses to make sense of them... your two short.  Go away and drink more then come on back!!

[River Rat]

      

If you really want to understand them...head over to the Bar and get one of the House Specialties 

[toyfads]

Platz,

Thanks for making me spew my coffee all over my monitor!      My favorite is Bad Diet, Bad!   You got skills girl!

[Platzki]

Awww. fads.... thanks!!!  I'm glad you enjoyed them!!!  *bye*

[eclectica]

I walked down the aisle
with awe on my face,
At the chocolately goodness

Aaahhh... I KNEW there was a reason I loved you. Chocolately goodness rules!!

 

[Platzki]

Bye Bye Mr. Wagglepop Guy (sung to the tune of American Pie)

“A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that low fee used to make me smile…
And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make my listings dance and maybe I’d make money for a while…

But censorship would make me shiver, no advertising they’d deliver… bad news on the doorstep… this guy’s just a big shlep….I can’t remember if I cried when I found that Ro-me-o had lied… but something made me laugh inside, the day, Wag-gle-pop…. Died.

So bye bye Mr. Wagglepop Guy, your revolutions no solution so just curl up and die…and them good ole poppers were drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye… singin’ this will be the day that Ray Dies…. This will be the day that Ray dies….

Did you write the book of lies and do you leave skid marks when you wipe?  If Mr. Whipple tells you so….
And do you believe in listing goals and can bunny slippers save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to list real slow?

Well, I know you and Karen are one in the same but
Then again, what’s really in a name?
You both can delete posts…
I guess that’s what matters the most!

I was a happy ebay sellin’ girl
But thought I’d give Wagglepop a whirl
But the deleted posts made my hair uncurl
The day Waggle-pop died.

I started singin’, So bye bye Mr. Wagglepop Guy, your revolutions no solution so just curl up and die…and them good ole poppers were drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye… singin’ this will be the day that Ray Dies…. This will be the day that Ray dies….


Now for three months I’ve been on my own
And AdWord fees can still make me groan,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the Ka/Ray cried that Toolers were mean,
In some slippers he borrowed from james dean
In a voice that sounded like Edie Amin,

Oh, and while Romeo was looking down,
Karen stole his thorny crown.
The forums were adjourned;
No replies were returned.
And while Karen read a book about sharks
And Andrew left Wagglepop on a lark
And Ray played with himself in the dark
The day Waggle-pop died.

I started singin’, So bye bye Mr. Wagglepop Guy, your revolutions no solution so just curl up and die…and them good ole poppers were drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye… singin’ this will be the day that Ray Dies…. This will be the day that Ray dies….

This is a long freaking song… more to follow at a later date!!  ROFL!!!