The Bleached Blonde Joke of the Day

[chiquita]

 

[chiquita]

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails.
Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

 

[2boysandtoys]

 

Oh my goodness!!!!

[2boysandtoys]

A guy is having a drink in a bar.

A lot of drinks.  A very dark bar.

He leans over to the big woman next to him and says,
"Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"

The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something.
Sure, I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder.

The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6' 2" and 220 lbs; she's an ex-pro wrestler.
Next to her is a blonde who's 6' 5",weighs 250 lbs., and she's a kick boxer professional.

Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

The guy blinks, swallows, and thinks about it for a second and then says;
"No, not if I'm going to have to explain it - three times!"

 

[chiquita]

NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap

 

[The Tavern Wench]

     

[2boysandtoys]

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" 
Blonde Jokes

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours." 

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing." 

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars. 

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. 

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

 

[chiquita]

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

 

[2boysandtoys]

 

[chiquita]

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

 

[2boysandtoys]

 

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnny was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johanna's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought." Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."

 

[2boysandtoys]

~~~~~~~Blond Revenge~~~~~~~ 

A blond walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blond hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blond returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[chiquita]

Jealous Revenge

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."

 

 

[QUILT]

 

[kevinatgrannys]