The Bleached Blonde Joke of the Day

[flying high]

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

[2boysandtoys]

And......we've got a new bleached blond joke of the day to share!!!

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
"It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it."

She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."

The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $. 75 per word."

She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please."

"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.

"Comfortable," replies the brunette.

The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"

The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."

 

[2boysandtoys]

She was so blonde that...

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She managed to trip over my cordless phone.

On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.

 

[QUILT]

 

I like the one about tripping over the cordless phone

[The Tavern Wench]

I like the one about tripping over the cordless phone

I've done that. 

[chiquita]

Following in Erin's footsteps

BLONDE TERMINOLOGY

Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
 

 

[2boysandtoys]

   

That is a great list - almost need to print it and send it to a few relatives (anonymous of course) !!! 

[The Tavern Wench]

Blonde In First Class

There is a blonde on a plane to New York. She is sitting in the
first class section, but her ticket says that she should be in
the coach section. A flight attendant realizes the blonde's
mistake and asks her politely to move. The blonde won't move. All
she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New
York."

The flight attendant goes and tells all of the other flight
attendants. They all try to persuade the blonde to move, but she
won't move. All she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm
going to New York."

The flight attendants go and tell the pilot about the obnoxious
blonde. They tell him the only thing that she says. He puts the
plane on auto-pilot and whispers something in the blonde's ear.

Immediately, she gets up and moves to her normal seat. Then the
pilot goes back to fly the plane. The flight attendants are all
very curious about how the pilot made the blonde move so quickly.

They ask him and he says, "Oh, it was easy. All i had to do was
tell her that the first class section wasn't going to New York!"

 

[chiquita]

 

 

Good One Deb
 

[2boysandtoys]

 

[2boysandtoys]

  I forgot to enlighten you all for today -  !!!

One day, a blond goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".

He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blonde".

The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.

Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.

She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blond?".

He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."

 

[QUILT]

This is what a blonde's car looks like

[2boysandtoys]

 

[2boysandtoys]

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.

She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.

"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.

"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!"

She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"





"No darling, it's because you're 25." 

[QUILT]

  Wasn't expecting that!